Heaven help me. I love a psychotic!

An impetuous decision ... but I think I'll make this the year to really get to know All About Eve.

Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

****

Today's word of the day: Malaise

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

Still doing a bit of thinking on the questions of the "nature" of communication out (in?) here in cyber space.

Since (and even before) I discovered the iceberg, I have self-consciously tried to analyze the motivations behind my blogging. I've been fascinated by the psyche-out factor... what am I doing here? Who am I talking to? Why? What affirmation do I seek? Who do I create here?

Your guess is as good as mine. I like putting together a thought, or a piece of a thought, and seeing if anyone (who knows I'm out here) will respond. I like coming back to the page to see what I was thinking about on whatever day. Could I do that privately? Yes. But I'm not.

Do you think I'm talking to you?

Morning thoughts from Rumi

look at love
how it tangles
with the one fallen in love

look at spirit
how it fuses with earth
giving it new life

why are you so busy
with this or that or good or bad
pay attention to how things blend

why talk about all
the known and the unknown
see how the unknown merges into the known

why think seperately
of this life and the next
when one is born from the last

look at your heart and tongue
one feels but deaf and dumb
the other speaks in words and signs

look at water and fire
earth and wind
enemies and friends all at once

the wolf and the lamb
the lion and the deer
far away yet together

look at the unity of this
spring and winter
manifested in the equinox

you too must mingle my friends
since the earth and the sky
are mingled just for you and me

be like sugarcane
sweet yet silent
don't get mixed up with bitter words

my beloved grows
right out of my own heart
how much more union can there be

{

Did I mention that I'm done?

I was telling a friend that I knew a little bit about weakness. I said I'd been dabbling in it for a while. He said that's where I went wrong. I should work harder at it.

No, I'm done with all that.

Another reason I choose volcano

Iceberg hits too close to home.

I return to a topic that motivated me to create this blog in the first place: questions involving the interpersonal and intrapsychic implications inherent(?), possible(?) in this format of "communication." What happens in this semi-anonymous space of self-revelation, self-exposure, self-exploration? And what happens in the space between MySpace and your space?

Sometime between August 8 and August 13, I screamed into this void, communicating quite clearly in fact--THIS IS NOT COMMUNICATION!!!!!

But it was. And so was my posting.

Iceberg at work.

Stuck at airport... Options:

Do you feel safer?

And now
Open your eyes and see
What we have made is real
We are in Xanadu

Why is Jenna wearing Condi's suit?

System Failure

What are you doing today?

Today's word of the day: subaltern

I've also been dreaming about icebergs and volcanos.

Do we seek that which will repair us, balance us? Or are we drawn to the familiar?

More Laurie Anderson:

Desire! its cold as ice and then its hot as fire. ah desire! first its red and then its blue. and everytime I see an iceberg it reminds me of you. doo doo doo doo doo. doo doo doo doo doo. Que es mas macho: iceberg or volcano?

It has taken twenty years, but I think I finally get her.

I choose volcanos.

Pulling a doll part

Tonight I felt a longing like the power of the ocean's tide pulling the water from a river, drawing it from the farthest mountain top, to the shore... pulling

...blood through my veins, breath through my skin, through my bones, from the outside in, energy drawn from my heart... down... to pour myself into love's ocean.

***
it was pretty cool.

***

he said: history is an angel being blown backwards into the future he said: history is a pile of debris and the angel wants to go back and fix things to repair the things that have been broken but there is a storm blowing from paradise and the storm keeps blowing the angel backwards into the future and this storm, this storm is called progress

--Laurie Anderson

the one-armed man walks into a flower shop and says: what flower expresses days go by and they just keep going by endlessly pulling you into the future. days go by endlessly endlessly pulling you into the future. and the florist says: white lily.

--Laurie Anderson (again)

More Collections from my Unconscious

So, last night I dreamed about my dad. I was yelling at him. I told him he chose the dad path, and then he chose to leave it. I was screaming at him I hate you! and hitting his big belly. (This is my usual approach to Dad in my dreams.)

Usually I wake up about that time. But this time something different happened. He grabbed me and took a potato peeler and threatened to scrape the skin off my left arm.

It was the first time he ever fought back. It was truly terrifying.

What do you think that means?

Morning thoughts from Rumi

The morning wind spreads its fresh smell.
We must get up and take that in,
The wind that lets us live.
Breathe before it's gone.

Remembering someone I never met

I received a gift from someone I never knew: the celebration of a man's life among people who knew and loved him. He was honored for the brilliance he created out of all the frailties and injustices and shortcomings of a human life.

It reminded me to pay attention.

Things you can buy at BWI

Pretty opalescent mugs and ashtrays. Very nice. I like.

Sparkly watches for $16.95. Very nice. High five!

Crabby things for crabby travelers.

I think I'll have nightmares about this.

Missing my grrrl cat

Speaker Pelosi

Courtesy Women's E-News.

Are you sure it wasn't the Yes Men?

This landed in my inbox today. Damn, they're good.

November 13, 2006
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WTO ANNOUNCES FORMALIZED SLAVERY MARKET FOR AFRICA
US Trade Representative to Africa, Governor of Nigeria Central Bank
weigh in at Wharton

Philadelphia - At a Wharton Business School conference on business in Africa, World Trade Organization representative Hanniford Schmidt
announced the creation of a WTO initiative for "full private stewardry of labor" for the parts of Africa that have been hardest hit by the 500 years of Africa's free trade with the West.

The initiative will require Western companies doing business in some
parts of Africa to own their workers outright. Schmidt recounted how
private stewardship has been successfully applied to transport,
power, water, traditional knowledge, and even the human genome. The
WTO's "full private stewardry" program will extend these successes to
(re)privatize humans themselves.

"Full, untrammelled stewardry is the best available solution to
African poverty, and the inevitable result of free-market theory,"
Schmidt told more than 150 attendees. Schmidt acknowledged that the
stewardry program was similar in many ways to slavery, but explained
that just as "compassionate conservatism" has polished the rough
edges on labor relations in industrialized countries, full stewardry,
or "compassionate slavery," could be a similar boon to developing
ones.

The audience included Prof. Charles Soludo (Governor of the Central
Bank of Nigeria), Dr. Laurie Ann Agama (Director for African Affairs
at the Office of the US Trade Representative), and other notables.
Agama prefaced her remarks by thanking Scmidt for his macroscopic
perspective, saying that the USTR view adds details to the WTO's
general approach. Nigerian Central Bank Governor Soludo also
acknowledged the WTO proposal, though he did not seem to appreciate
it as much as did Agama.

A system in which corporations own workers is the only free-market
solution to African poverty, Schmidt said. "Today, in African
factories, the only concern a company has for the worker is for his
or her productive hours, and within his or her productive years," he
said. "As soon as AIDS or pregnancy hits--out the door. Get sick, get
fired. If you extend the employer's obligation to a 24/7, lifelong
concern, you have an entirely different situation: get sick, get
care. With each life valuable from start to finish, the AIDS scourge
will be quickly contained via accords with drug manufacturers as a
profitable investment in human stewardees. And educating a child for
later might make more sense than working it to the bone right now."

To prove that human stewardry can work, Schmidt cited a proposal by a
free-market think tank to save whales by selling them. "Those who
don't like whaling can purchase rights to specific whales or groups
of whales in order to stop those particular whales from getting
whaled as much," he explained. Similarly, the market in Third-World
humans will "empower" caring First Worlders to help them, Schmidt
said. (http://www.policynetwork.net/main/article.php?article_id=505)

One conference attendee asked what incentive employers had to remain
as stewards once their employees are too old to work or reproduce.
Schmidt responded that a large new biotech market would answer that
worry. He then reminded the audience that this was the only possible
solution under free-market theory.

There were no other questions from the audience that took issue with
Schmidt's proposal.

During his talk, Schmidt outlined the three phases of Africa's 500-
year history of free trade with the West: slavery, colonialism, and
post-colonial markets. Each time, he noted, the trade has brought
tremendous wealth to the West but catastrophe to Africa, with poverty
steadily deepening and ever more millions of dead. "So far there's a
pattern: Good for business, bad for people. Good for business, bad
for people. Good for business, bad for people. That's why we're so
happy to announce this fourth phase for business between Africa and
the West: good for business--GOOD for people."

The conference took place on Saturday, November 11. The panel on
which Schmidt spoke was entitled "Trade in Africa: Enhancing
Relationships to Improve Net Worth." Some of the other panels in the
conference were entitled "Re-Branding Africa" and "Growing Africa's
Appetite." Throughout the comments by Schmidt and his three
co-panelists, which lasted 75 minutes, Schmidt's stewardee, Thomas
Bongani-Nkemdilim, remained standing at respectful attention off to
the side.

"This is what free trade's all about," said Schmidt. "It's about the
freedom to buy and sell anything--even people."

# 30 #

One of my sheroes, still speaking her mind!

Last night I got to honor a good friend and a living legend. 87 years old, Charlotte Flynn is still a sign-carrying, slogan chanting street activist.

Here's Charlotte last spring protesting the state's amendment to ban gay marriage.

(Don't let her sign fool you. She's being ironic.)

Charlotte Flynn introduced me to the Gray Panthers. The event last night was to honor her upon her retirement from their national board after 30 something years of service to that organization.

The room was filled with local luminaries--long-time dedicated Austin activists, non-profit veterans and a handful of elected and formerly elected people. There were lovely centerpieces and a big long table of food and wine.

It set out to be a lovely event. But -- if you ask me, something wasn't quite right. The other national board members who were there (and who were in charge of the program) didn't quite get it. One of them even displayed a book profiling 50 human rights visionaries and said: "Charlotte should have been in here, but she's not, so let's all sign this book and tell her about it."

They could have produced a booklet for her. They could have made a little video tribute, or given her a plaque or a damn watch (so she could count the minutes to her obviously imminent demise).

It felt somber. It felt more like Charlotte were visiting her own memorial service attended by a mess of ungrateful children and greedy distant relatives. "Charlotte was" this (fill in your own worn compliment), "Charlotte was" that (sappy sentiment).

Damn it, I thought. Charlotte STILL IS!

Instead of celebrating the inspiration that she has been and still is, we're all sitting here enduring this gawdawful program like we're at church and can't wait to go home and watch football.

So, when the master of ceremonies offered time for friends to come up and say nice things about Charlotte, I went up last and told them a little sumpin sumpin.

I said, when I think of Charlotte, I think of fire and fight! I think we should honor her now by doing the Gray Panther growl!

And at first, everybody just looked at me... But Charlotte was totally there. Charlotte grabbed her walker and came up and made everybody stand up, and she lead them in the Gray Panther Growl... and it was awesome!

Maggie Kuhn's motto was: "Do something outragreous!" So I did.

*****


"Learning and sex until rigor mortis."
--Maggie Kuhn

Here's Maggie Kuhn doing the Gray Panther Growl.

Don't date him, grrrl

Tonight I went to my favorite little cafe to enjoy a yummy salad and wine, and watch the tango dancers, and I saw a perfect candidate for the website Don't Date Him, Girl.

These two were obviously on a date. It was a sort of 50-somthing couple, dressed to impress (she, voluptuous in a hot pink fitted top, black circle skirt, high heeled slippers revealing her perfect pedicure, well managed face and hair; he sort of suave, like Don Johnson with the color turned off).

I was sitting at the next table. They had a bottle of wine and were flirting and giggling. They danced (they didn't know how to tango) and then went out for some fresh air. I saw them through the window chatting with two youngish women (like, late 20's) who were eating dinner outside.

A little bit later, the woman came back in and sat... and sat... and sat... alone at her table. I finished my dinner and decided to leave. On my way out, I saw Mr. Johnson sitting outside with the two younger women, flirting and teasing them and having a great time while his date sat inside... waiting.

I wanted to tell him what an ass he was...

****


When I googled boyfriend from hell, I found a T-shirt that says "I taught your boyfriend that thing you like."

Now that's just mean.

Who needs gravitas when you have tits?

Washington Post:

"Dismissed by her critics as too liberal, too elitist and too lacking in gravitas, Pelosi, serving her 10th term, has proved to be a tough-minded tactician who
has led her caucus from the political center and kept the fractious House Democrats in line."

Enrique:

"Heh, indeed. What is it about being female that keeps
you from being taken seriously?"

Only Grrrl:

Answer: Misogyny. This was actually the first image that came up in my Google image search for Nancy Pelosi:

Sick.

Did you know that somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes, usually by someone she knows?

One in three American women will be sxually assaulted sometime in her life.

The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.

Collections of my unconscious

Last night I dreamed that I was taking a shower. Something wasn't quite right. I washed my face, washed my hair. And then I realized, I hadn't taken off my clothes.

What do you think that means?

What a weekend

Pastor Hagee said God told him He wasn't a Democrat or a Republican... but you'd never know it from the sermon he gave later. (That's Rick Perry on the left, by the way. Rick thinks non-Christians are doomed.)

Hagee's Gawd hates gays, Gawd HATES gay marriage, and, although Gawd might forgive you (espcially if you put a bunch a money in tray as it goes by) but He doesn't just forgive anyone. Gawd supports the death penalty. If you're on death row, Hagee said you should strap yourself to the gurney and THEN we'd see if you really found Gawd. You owe a debt to society, so pay up!

And Gawd wants you to be rich. When you go to heaven, you get a big ole diamond to wear around your neck. It contains the meaning of your life. Here's Hagee's wife, dreaming of trading her pearls for that big white rock. (what about covetousness, greed, gluttony?)

The Cornerstone Church has a membership of around 17,000, and MILLIONS more nation-wide watch the services on tv. Lord, help us.

If we're backing, up it's just to get a running start

After a brief hiatus in blogging, this Only Grrrl is (still anonymously) back... well, I will be later.

Reflections

Yes, today is a day to remember, relive, reflect on, and mourn. People in New York, Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania are holding moments of silence to mark the instants their lives were changed five years ago.

One could—and should—consider the ordinariness of the instants that preceded the terrible crashes. One could—but should not—succumb to cynicism upon this reflection. Each moment holds infinite possibilities for peace, love, connection, renewal, and forgiveness.

On this Sept 11, I'd like to commemorate the day by remembering the moment of possibility that followed—the moment when the whole world grieved for "us," the people of the United States of America, who were stunned and then utterly overwhelmed by the enormity of the catastrophe.

There was a moment—do you remember it?—when the whole world was "on our side."

We had the chance, in that moment, to make changes that might have made our world a little less scary. Unfortunately, our “leaders” instead launched a war without end that some might argue has made “us” the most terrifying nation in the world. True, this “war on terror” is only one of many ways our “leaders” and country commit the world to chaos, rather than community.

From one perspective, the war on terror is the global forum through which we act out our infantile rage at being made so vulnerable (or made to recognize our vulnerability). That humanizes the official reaction a little, maybe.

But, I suggest we don’t go that route. The “war on terror,” is not being conducted in the heat of psychological trauma. Even if it started out that way (which I would argue it didn’t), the “war on terror” is the product of calculated policy-making to advance an agenda envisioned long before the World Trade Center and Pentagon were struck by airplanes. They may have capitalized on our fear, but they knew what they were doing.

We need to respond with similar clarity and resolve. Our responses need to strategically advance our alternative agenda.

Can we who oppose the current trajectory somehow get back to that moment of possibility just after the attacks? Can we mine that moment for some new approach? Can we go deep enough into the heart of hope to reconnect with the world that so empathized with us on that day?

I think we have to. It is our only hope.

Memory, Forgetting and Astronomy

Remember when Pluto was a planet? Leave it to Frank Deford to give me a little chuckle (tee hee, he said Uranus!) and help this Only Grrrl with her sports metaphors--can't have a career in politics without 'em!

This makes no sense to me at all

Priscilla Slade, the former Texas Southern University president fired for her spending of school money on personal expenses, is teaching accounting courses on campus this semester.

Here's some suggested reading for our friends with shopping addictions.

Maybe we can entertain each other.

Famous last words? Not quite. But when I wrote them (a year ago today), I had no idea what a year would follow. It's been one hell of a trip around the sun—quite heavenly, actually.

As the present now will later be past

True, the times do change.

Change is the only constant, the only thing you can really count on. Yet this week I've been struck again and again at how "we" continually deal with the same "issues"... over and over again.

Forget about repetition compulsion. I can't even begin to deal with that here.

What seems to keep cropping up for me are those endless and endlessly prescient warnings from the past of a future that's doomed (today?)

We look to the past for validation that the problems we face now were somehow foreseen by someone smarter than we are, or maybe someone who's more respected than "we"--the ever maligned left--are.

So we have Eisenhower warning us about the evils of the military industrial complex. We have Jefferson warning us about the concentration of corporate power. We have Orwell, Atwood, Huxley with their dystopic literary visions (many of which, by the way, have been banned by many a public school). And we have others coming along later and commenting on said dystopic visions.

...all this to demonstrate the seriousness and urgency of tomorrow's problems today (or today's problems for tomorrow).

But if we were doomed in the future yesterday by the same problems we're facing today (and faced yesterday)... doesn't that mean we can just blow it all off because in 50-100 years, there will be people looking back and saying how prescient we were to predict tomorrow's problems yesterday (today?)

Ummm, no.

Instead, I think we should pay more attention to the countless anonymous people who kept the fight going in between times, because without them, yesterday's predictions of doom might have been fulfilled. Instead, we have the opportunity to carry on. And hopefully, the sun will come up, and we can start again.

Sophie sees stupid people, too

Only Grrrl's Only GrrrlCat.

Wow! Is that 12 column inches, or are you just happy to see me?

Silly me... I was starting to worry that I had lost my legendary feminist edge. But all I had to do was buy a newspaper.

The New York Times found this story fit to print right there on the front page: "Dancers Have Landed in Iraq. Marines Offer No Resistance."

The least they could have done is put "dancers" in quotes.

The dancers, known as the Purrfect Angelz, boast one starlet, Tanea, who not only served three years as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, but also played quarterback in the Lingerie Football League.

That's right, grrrls and boyz, your tax dollars are hard (!) at work sending a troup of "dancers" on tour in Iraq. It's all in an effort to boost, you know, "morale." The NYT said this "Shake and Awe" campaign was so effective some of the Marines "had to be reminded not to leave their weapons behind." (which weapons, one wonders? and whose behind?)

Will getting a hard on make these guys better soldiers? What about all the our women soldiers? Gosh--I hope they're lesbians, or at least happily self-loathing enough to appreciate this pep rally.

In truth, I have to admit that some of the LFL footballers' outfits are mighty cute.

What I don't appreciate is:

1) cheerleaders with Uzis

2) my tax dollars supporting an act designed to get these guys all revved up and frustrated with sexual tension that can be redirected to make them better killers... I mean, soldiers.

3) the New York Times writing about it without any sense of irony... Come on, these ladeeez are not Marilyn Monroe or Jane Russell. They're not movie stars. They are sex industry professionals. Why not be honest about that and actually take a moment to consider what that says about military spending, gender dynamics in the still male-dominated military, and this worthy mission of exporting "democracy" to the Middle East.

Happy B-day Miss Pineapple!

Love you!

Only Grrrl wakes up to a new day

Be here now

"We're meant to die. That's what makes everything about us matter."
—Aeon Flux

This gorgeous flower is as big as my head and blooms for just one day. It is truly glorious.

Savor your moments.

You forgot convicted felon

Surely I'm not the only grrrl who was struck dumb by the announcement that Martha Stewart would be addressing the women of Texas as a keynote speaker at the Texas Conference for Women.

Now, I know this conference is not about feminist consciousness raising. And "Martha Stewart" is probably only rivaled by "Madonna" and maybe "Oprah" in popularity as subject matter for feminist analysis and debate. Avoiding that rabbit hole, (although, it's a very alluring rabbit hole... and one I may revisit later), let's just say we accept that the Texas Conference for Women is actually intended to support women's economic advancement, provide networking opportunities for women and train women to be leaders in their communities (i.e., to indoctrinate and integrate women better into the very social, economic and political systems that only function properly on the backs of overworked and underpaid women).

Say all that is ok! (Ignore all that parenthetical nonsense. It's just crazy talk!)

Like a joke that's only funny because it's true, the selection of Martha Stewart as keynote speaker reflects layers of irony in the current political leadership's (mis)appropriation of the rhetoric of values and the "american dream"--and the underlying message is clear.

In this version of the values based approach to achievement, the "self-made man" (or woman) succeeds by hook or by crook. Image is everything. Cheating on your taxes, insider trading, mark-to-market accounting are all just part of what it takes to get ahead--like, really ahead, which is the only kind of getting ahead that really matters.

Sure, it's usually best if you don't get caught. But even if you do, it's ok.

The Enron crooks go down in history as "the smartest guys in the room."

Martha Stewart got caught. And she did one better than ole Ken Lay: she lived to tell about it.

She did her time. And prison didn't break her will to succeed! Thousands of jokes by late night talk show hosts couldn't bring her down. Now we can honor her great wealth (the true sign of her greatness) and celebrate her resilience in the face of adversity. Truly, the epitome of every "american's" dream.

Whew!

OK... satire doesn't always serve to bring the present moment to it's deepest purpose.

Seriously, I can think of several women who are alive today who could have been chosen to speak at this conference--some of them even within the limitations of definitions of success that serve to preserve the patriarchal status quo: Oprah and Madonna for starters—again, avoiding the question of whether (or to what degree) they function (either as historial people or cultural icons) to uphold or subvert the status quo)—at least they aren't convicted felons!

Here's a very short list of some brave and otherwise outstanding women who could have been invited:


Sherron Watkins: Enron whistleblower honored by Time magazine in 2002 as Person of the Year -- along with 2 other women whislteblowers: Cynthia Cooper (WorldCom) and Coleen Rowley (FBI).


Bethany McLean: journalist who broke the Enron accounting story while working for Fortune Magazine.


Loretta Ross: a native Texan who became one of hte first women to win a suit against the make of the Dalkon shield. She's an internatinoally known feminist and human rights activist.


Diane Wilson: A fourth-generation Texas shrimper, environmental justice advocate, civil disobedient, tireless opponent of global capital, and peace activist who helped found Code Pink.

(Oh, wait. I guess all these women were/have been/are trying to take down the system. I guess that's whay they weren't invited)

Legs and Little Legs, circa 1971

Legs and Little Legs, circa 1971
Originally uploaded by OnlyGrrrl.

Origins of the Only Grrrl. This was taken at the zoo when I was two! I was a baby. Momma was a babe!

Gallos

Gallos
Originally uploaded by gesualdo.

My Chinese zodiac sign: Year of the Cock. Explains a lot.

The Tin Foil Hat: Hazzardous Nation

The Tin Foil Hat: Hazzardous Nation
Just in case anyone is out there... I recommend this post on The Tin Foil Hat!

Yeah, Baby!

Pickin' and Grinnin'

OMIGOD! I've become a Stepford Grrrl.

This is what can happen when a grrl is the Only Grrrl In The Room for too long. If you want to survive (the hospitality suite at a labor convention, say), you adapt. You SMILE. You learn to attach yourself to the alpha males who will protect you (and who are more often than not the same men with the power to authorize giving money to your organization to keep you employed), as long as they maintain a certain degree of "access" to you. You tell yourself it's a fatherly hug... and you smile.

But just the other day I was crossing the street and some man in a car waiting at the light honked at me and motioned for me to SMILE!!!. In that moment, I realized that it had been a really long time since that had happened to me.

See... it used to happen all the time.

The degree of my relative pre-prosac "happiness" aside, that sort of thing used to really piss me off. Maybe I was an angry grrrl then. But I was right to be mad at those assholes.

What kind of person just walks around smiling for no reason? Oh, wait. There was a reason: to be pleasant to look at, to be pretty. I swear, nothing pissed me off more!

So, Thank you, Average Guy in the champagne-colored Camry. Your simple gesture was more effective than a howling wolf whistle. You pissed me off!

More typing into the void

I surveyed my grrrlfriends for ideas on what to name my internet persona. Several of them asked me what did I want to do with this internet persona?

I didn't know. Comment on blogs. Maybe have my own blog. Express something. Recover my ability to complete a thought in writing. Hopefully something more than just learn how to make text bold and type ellipses... But I guess that can come in handy sometimes...

I'm new to the blogosphere. Frankly, I find that I get confused about how to use it, how to interpret what I read on it... it blurs my understanding of public and private. It adds layers of imaginary to the already symbolic process of externalizing words and pictures. That's clearly part of the attraction.

But, what's with all the anonymity out here in cyberspace?

What happens to the therapeutic value of self-expression and self-exploration through journalling when it's conducted in the semi-public format of a semi-anonymous blog?

What does it do to a person's ability (or even inclination) to communicate directly?

Semi-public indirect communication, introspection of semi-anonymous authors...

Again, I come back to the problem of samsara and the gaping holes in my knowledge "my" own reality...

The mountain is there
And then it isn't
And then it is again

Samsara and the Conundrum of Hope

Last night I was thinking about hope and the problem of "reality." The whole idea of hope becomes absurd within the context of reality as illusion. Hell--you can hope for anything! What where will that get you?

My (illusory) reality is so full of holes (that I know are there) that I could be sitting in one right now and not even know it. The holes are gaps in knowledge that I fill in based on ... what? Experience? Conjecture? Outright fantasy?

What happens when you pin your future to hopes that are rooted in the black hole of knowledge gaps that may or may not be there?

What Now?

I'm not really sure...

But I like how this little thing just hangs on.