I'm so tired of feeling crappy

Seems like I'm sick all the time.

Mom says I'm not. I guess she would know.

Guess I need to remember to pay attention.

I'm telling you stories. Trust me.

"There's no such thing as autobiography there's only art and lies."

Make of it what you will.

I will. And gamble everything.

Grief

I'm still thinking about my experience at Molly's vigil last night.

Genevieve looked like her soul was being sucked into a giant hole in her heart; like she was trying to hang on to the edge. Don't fall in, Gen!

I didn't walk up to her. I swooped in. Everyone was looking at her.

Look at her.

I wanted to hold her so she could fall into that hole a little bit. Molly was family to her... Molly was a real person in her life. More than a symbol. More than an inspiration. More than a party host.

Can she really fill up that hole with memories?

****

Betsy looked like she was in shock. Stunned. Lost. When does it really hit? What am I going to do?

****

Lisa's voice shook as she told storied of Molly's support during nightmarish legislative sessions. Bruce fought back tears and said with wonder, "we just keep losing our heroes." Elliott, recovering from his second heart surgery, came but didn't stay long. But he came.

****

In another part of my world, two of my work colleagues are waiting for a parent to die. Both have been told that death is imminent. They're in that process of waiting, taking turns with family members. Holding off the grief that is also imminent. That's gotta be the worst part... until worse parts come later.

I didn't know her personally

My friend Debbie organized a remembrance for Molly Ivins tonight.

Molly died yesterday of cancer. She was only 62 years old.

I didn't know Molly personally. I went to her house a few times... for her notorious final Friday parties and for a handful of fundraisers for liberal causes (Molly liked being a Liberal!). I didn't think her columns held effective answers to our problems, But I loved her wit, courage, example and heart.

I almost didn't go to the remembrance tonight. I drove by and there weren't that many people there. I had a vision of some news person asking me to comment on her passing--like I have any place doing that. But I went. I went because I have friends who knew her; friends I knew were devastated by her death.

I saw one friend -- a women I've known for almost 20 years, who grew up among Molly's crowd. She was heartbroken and there by herself. She thanked me for being there, hugging her, holding her hand and giving her kleenex.

I'm so glad I went.

Who will fill the void?