Keeping the metaphor going... and going... meandering blog post

Yesterday I went to a yoga class. As we were beginning the class, and I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breath, I realized how in just a few days, I had gotten so far away from the practice. It is a practice... and it's the process of returning to it that establishes the contrast for waking up.

It was a good feeling. I must be getting closer to some truth. In recent times, I would probably have felt guilty and started telling myself that I should have been doing this every day, scolding myself for not practicing, and making pledges to myself that I would start again now, or tomorrow. But that doesn't really work. That's the kind of intention I always rebel against. And so... it doesn't happen. And the cycle repeats.

Yesterday this didn't happen. Instead, it felt like a release. It was refreshing and I was thankful for it.

And then I realized how I'd been neglecting my garden. What with trips to Vegas and El Paso and electricians and tree guys and plumbers and swarming mosquitos, I hadn't been paying attention to my little plants. I hadn't watered in a week. I've check on the zucchini, but, I've missed other developments. I missed the fact that my peas have pods, but the leaves are getting eaten by something and look all gray. I hadn't noticed that the banana pepper has a second pepper, or that the eggplant has two beautiful, purple fruits and a new flower about to bloom. The corn has silk!

So today, I got up and watered. And then I noticed... the weeds.

Crap! You literally can't just water the seeds of things you want to grow... somehow you also inadvertently water the weeds.

SO, now I know I'm going to need to spend some time out there pulling the weeds... because they are sucking the good stuff from the plants I want to grow. But I know it. They aren't going to take me by surprise. I guess that's the key.

Meet Mulchie

My compost pile is actually one of my favorite things in my garden. I have so been looking forward to making dirt! And, it turns out, it's also a little habitat for wildlife. Today when I turned it, I found the cutest little toad, and a big spider with an ENORMOUS egg sac. Very cool.

Water the seeds you want to grow...

An imperfect expression of some things I am thinking about... have thought about and will continue ot think about...

Yesterday I attended a Tibetan Heart Yoga workshop called, "For the Love of Yoga: Learning to Live in Your Subtle Body." Sounds pretty mushy, gushy, huh? Probably lots of talk about "imaginary" things like chakras and "honoring your true self" and I'm ok, you're ok, just as you are, let's just breathe and hold hands and everything will be ok.

Wrong.

First let me tell you -- chakras aren't imaginary. That's the topic for another day. But let me also tell you, there was nothing soft or mushy about this yoga class.

We did begin with discussion. One of the teachers, Mira Shani from Arizona's Yoga Oasis, asked us why we love yoga. People said the usual things people say in yoga workshops. And I sat there, struck with the fear that this workshop just might be a nambi pambi little love fest. Was I going to spend three hours this way?

Mira said, "I practice yoga because I don't want a crappy life. I don't want to have crappy people in my life. I don't want crappy relationships. I don't want to be in crappy situations or have crappy conversations. Yoga is not about coping with things better. It's not about being calm and ok and not getting pissed when someone cuts you off on the road. Yoga is about not getting cut off in the first place."

I loved this. So, the metaphor wasn't perfect -- you really can't help getting cut off on the road sometimes... but the message to me was clear, and resonated with a Buddhist saying that I have been thinking about:

Water the seeds you want to grow. Don't water the seeds you don't want to grow.

Discernment is key. Discernment and effort. Life takes both. Yoga can help get you there.

"Enlightenment," "happiness," "contentment" are not easily achieved. They sound nice, soft, but they take fortitude.

I love the open, tender feeling I have after a yoga class. The stripping of the armor, the quieting of the mind's chatter... but if you haven't strengthened whatever lies beneath the armor, that weakness that needed armor is left unexposed... and then there you are: momentarily blissfully loving, but ultimately vulnerable and without your defenses.

I don't want a crappy life! Building that inner strength means discerning what things make your life crappy and NOT feeding them. This can be harder than trying to find your strengths and nurturing them. Neti, neti. This, not this.

NOT this.

Do you know which seeds you are watering that you don't want to grow? I'm finding mine.