Dear Mama,
I'm up. I miss you.
It's raining and I know little Benny must be trembling. Dr. T is taking care of him, though.
Today is the day I need to start calling your people. I know you said not to tell anyone... but I need to. They will be so sad, but they will tell me how wonderful you were, how loving, how funny, how smart, how beautiful, how full of life... and it will help me.
But for now, I'm going to sit in my little house, watch the rain, and listen to the tenors, REALLY LOUD. (Lenny doesn't like it!) Usually I stay away from music when I am sad... but I want to be filled with the beauty of perfection and feel you in it. I'm taking Melly to the Waldebuhn in June. We will sing and dance with the Germans, and cry and be happy. I know you'll be with us.
I love you so much.
I tried to do everything I could for you that last day. I know you suffered so much, for so long. I know you must have been scared. I felt so helpless. I hope you felt loved.
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