It's a lesson in attachment, aversion, resistance. I don't have the answers. I guess there aren't any answers to those things. Only acknowledgement that they are there, that they are happening. That moment of acknowledgement is a release, an instant of awareness.
And then... what?
Imagine what it might be like to NOT be attached to... your mom, your dead mom, the fact that your mama is gone. Does it mean you don't care? Does it mean you didn't care?
I know this isn't how it works. But that's kind of how it feels.
Why? Because I don't let myself feel it. Feeling it is the answer. The truth is, you don't fall into an abyss of sadness. You feel it, and then it goes away for a while. It comes and goes just like everything else -- unless, that is, you don't acknowledge it. Then it persists.
So, what do I do? Get up everyday and make myself feel sad? Feel angry? Feel something?
Guess I'll try that for a while.
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1 comment:
I know what you mean Lesley. It keeps changing for me. It comes and goes. It changes in the strangest ways. I'll try sending you a msg on FB
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